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Fourteen year old Anna has a secret. A secret she cannot share with anyone, not even God. But it burns white hot inside and she must tell someone. So, she pulls her diary out of it’s hiding place under the bottom shelf of her bookcase and opens it to a clean page. She writes: Last week Tressa and I took a shower together. When our wet skin touched a thrill like electricity went through my whole body. A thrill so awesome I wanted it to last forever. Since that day I cannot keep my mind off other girls at school. I keep wondering what they might feel like in the shower. What is wrong with me? Am I gay? If mom ever found out she would kill me. Then again, she might not even care. She never has any time for me anyway.
Darrell wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. His dad’s accusations still tore at his heart. I don’t want no mambly, pambly, sissified son in my house. Why can’t you be like other boys. Out playing football and basketball instead of sitting in here drawing pictures of a bunch of junk settin’ on the table. You should have been a girl! Darrell picked up the phone and dialed Joey’s number. "Hey, Joey," he called when his friend answered. "Do you still want me to come over and keep you company tonight? You got any more of those cool videos?" After he hung up the telephone he threw on his jacket and slipped out the back door. Lately he’d had urges to try some of that stuff he and Joey had watched. Tonight might just be the night. Anything would beat the junk he had to take at home. Boy, wouldn’t Dad flip if he thought I was gay.
Her Dad was gone to work already, so Misty could shower until the water was cold. She turned it on as hot as she could stand and soaped herself all over. The water washing down her body made her feel just a little cleaner and helped to ease the pain of last night. It made her forget for a few moments the feel of his rough hands on her skin, the helplessness she felt as he forced her to submit to his wishes. If she screamed he would slap her until she was dizzy, but he couldn’t stop the sob that came from deep inside her and forced itself into her throat. God, if I could just die. I hate being a girl! .
Are Anna, Darrell and Misty okay? Read on to find out.
Homosexuality is not about having occasional same-sex attractions. Sometimes, because of painful circumstances in our childhood and adolescence our passions become confused and we can have momentary attractions toward the same sex. However, if these feelings are left unchecked they may develop into full blown homosexuality. Because God designed us male and female to compliment each other, and He has a wonderful plan for our lives, those who do not resist these confusions of their sexuality and seek help will become addicted. As a result most will struggle with other destructive behaviors and addictions such as alcohol and drug use, depression and suicidal tendencies. Because they have missed God’s plan for their lives they are burdened with a feeling of never being complete. Most gay people never seem to be content. They are constantly searching for something to fill that hollow inside that a homosexual relationship can only fill temporarily.
Homosexuality is not genetic. People are not born that way. We are bombarded from every direction, media, educational institutions, gay rights supporters and even some church denominations, "You were born that way. God created you that way. So relax and enjoy ." Gay supporters boast about studies that have been done to prove this theory, but not a single study has been proven to be reliable. An example: One identical twin is homosexual, the other is not. Since identical twins carry identical genes both should be homosexual should they not? (For specifics and results on all the studies that have been done read Restoring Sexual Identity listed in the resources at the end of this article.)
Homosexuality is not a harmless alternative. It is physically destructive. Think AIDS as well as other sexually transmitted diseases. Ask anyone who lives a homosexual lifestyle if they know someone who has died with AIDS? It is emotionally destructive. Think depression, loneliness, guilt, possessiveness, codependency and jealousy. Most of all it is spiritually destructive in that, like any other sin, it separates us from our loving, life-giving, Holy Creator. And a life without the God of the Bible has no real meaning. Homosexuality can only give, at best, a hollow, temporary substitute.
Homosexuals can change. In 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 (NKJV) Paul lists homosexuality with all the other sins of the people. Then he goes on to say the some of the Corinthians were committing these sins, but they had been washed, sanctified and justified by the Lord Jesus and by the Holy Spirit. Hundreds of former homosexuals are walking around on the planet, free today because of the power of God working in their lives. (See list of resources at the end of this article)
How did my passions become so confused? What made me this way? What made me a homosexual? This is the cry of those bound by this addiction. Space does not allow us to cover all the possible reasons, and every person is different. But the basic problems come from either dysfunctional parent-child relationships, distorted relationships with peers, childhood sexual abuse, or a combination of any of the above. When parents reject and disappoint their children and refuse to encourage them as either masculine or feminine, (Examples: constantly belittling a boy as a sissy or a girl as a tomboy because of their likes and dislikes, or refusing to encourage them to express their roles as a boy or girl.) they can grow up feeling insecure and wondering about their identity. When a child finds themselves in this type of environment they may be drawn toward dangerous relationships with the opposite sex, therefore confusing their sexuality even more. Then they begin to fear living out their own gender. (Girls who insist on playing with boys all the time and boys who insist on playing only with girls.) Add to this the childhood sexual molestation and abuse of many children and teens, and the damage it does, and you have the recipe for homosexuality.
What does homosexuality provide? It helps the hurt and angry person find temporary relief, a sense of security or a means of getting revenge on those who rejected and confused them. To ease their painful emptiness many find homosexuality will fill that void, but only temporarily. They must go back again and again, which brings more guilt, more shame and more risk to body, emotions and spirit. Many find a false sense of security in that they can avoid the painful behavior required of expressing their own gender. Homosexuality is also a powerful way for some to express their inner rage, especially toward those who have shamed and disappointed them. (See Darrell’s story above.)
The Final Word. It’s true that those addicted to homosexuality are scarred and hurting, but this is not the real problem. The real problem is the same as any other sin. All result in our demand to live life independently of God, to do it our own way. We ignore the truth that God is the one who created us to find our life in Him. Rebellion is genetic!!! (Psalm51:5) We inherited it from Adam and Eve when they fell from God’s grace. And just as Adam and Eve, we want to ignore God’s laws, never realizing that Satan is in control if we do not put our faith in Jesus, repent and allow Him to live His life through us. Rebellious independence is the final word.
How can we break free of homosexuality? Come to God. Repent of our rebellion and receive forgiveness. Repentance will not erase your past but will open a path for getting to know God. Once you get to know Him, really know Him, then deliverance will come. It may come instantly, or it may be a slow process. Once we have that real relationship with our Creator God and are sharing our hearts with Him, and have a strong support group, we will find that all our needs are met. Healing will take place. Freedom will come.
In his booklet, When Passions Are Confused, (Radio Bible Class Publication) Jeff Olson says this:
"Nothing has more power to transform self-centered people into loving people than the remarkable story of God becoming a man and then suffering for our sinful rebellion against Him (John 3:16). Nothing has more power to change us from the inside out than to believe that the One who died in our place rose from the dead to live His life through all who trust Him (Galatians 2:20)."
"I’m not gay but somebody I love is. How can I help them?"
Very Important: Do not condemn them. John 3:17 (NKJV) says, "God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved." If Jesus didn’t condemn how can we dare to condemn?
This is illustrated so beautifully in John 8:3-11. John tells the story of a woman caught in adultery who was brought before Jesus by the religious leaders of the day. They asked Jesus, "According to the law, shouldn’t this woman be stoned to death?"
Jesus never answered a word. He simply stooped down and began to write in the sand. They kept asking him the same question until finally he raised up and said to the leaders, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."
Obviously, their guilt caused them to leave one by one until all were gone except the woman. Then our Savior raised up and asked, "Where are your accusers? Isn’t anyone left to condemn you?"
"None, Lord," she replied.
Jesus said to her, "Neither do I condemn you. Go, and sin no more."
Five ways to help the homosexual:
1.Encourage your loved one to begin a relationship with God, to experience a true born-again, live changing experience.
2.Encourage them to tell their story to a trusted friend, counselor or minister. This will get all their feelings out in the open so they can deal with them.
3. Reassure them that it’s okay to grieve, to grieve over their rebellion against their Maker and to grieve over all the losses they have suffered. This will begin the healing, growing process.
4. Pray for them and with them, listen to them, read scriptures to them, hold them accountable for their behavior, and if they fall, encourage them to get up, ask for forgiveness and strength and begin again.
5. Speak out. Speak out to those who would mock, persecute, or treat the homosexual as someone with a disease. In God’s eyes pride and a judgmental spirit are sins just as grievous. Jesus said that thieves and whoremongers would enter the Kingdom of God before the self-righteous Pharisees.
I ask you again, "Is Gay OK?" What do you think?
Resources:
Books: When Passions are Confused by Jeff Olson (Radio Bible Class Ministries, 1996).
Someone I Love Is Gay by Anita Worthern and Bob Davies (IVP, 1996).
Coming out of Homosexuality by Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel (IVP, 1993).
Restoring Sexual Identity by Anne Paulk (Harvest House Publishers, 2003)
Organizations: Exodus Youth: www.exodusyouth.net; Harvest USA: www.harvestusa.org
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